Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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