So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
