So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
