I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
