My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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