I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
