Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
