I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
