I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your tits are I can't wait for
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
