everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
