Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
