census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
