I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
