Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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