i just had sex bonerless
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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