They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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