that's an acceptable place to lick
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
