you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
