He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
