i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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