Swine flu. Run for my life!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
