you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
