I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
