But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
