Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize