you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
