he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
