u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
