my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
