Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
