drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
