things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
