Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
