Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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