Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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