I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
