I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
