Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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