how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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