The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
