Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
