then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
