You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
