I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
