The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I cannot find my penis.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
