You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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