I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
