So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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