i may or may not be watching the land before time
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
