I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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