found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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