Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize