Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
