you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
