We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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