Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
