There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
