New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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