dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I should be sponsored by Trojan
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize