literally had 100 drinks last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
