these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
