Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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