I wish my penis had an off switch
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
