So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
