i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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