umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
what day is it and did you see me today?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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