I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
