Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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