You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
