Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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