I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
