Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
