So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
