Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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