im six kinds of drunk right now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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