i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this boner is exhausting
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
