it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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